Alright, so I will admit it... I am a control freak. I have always to some degree been a control freak.... There is something about the comfort of knowing that my personal actions and choices can set me up for success or failure, that it is all at my finger tips and is my choice in what I want to do....
I think it might have something to do with how we're raised in society. How many times do you hear "Just go to school, get good grades, get a safe secure job and all will be well"... Ask all the people currently laid off in today's economy how that is working for them. We are rated all through school, getting our grades on the basis of how we personally handle everything, no need to condition ourselves to circumstances beyond our control.
This for me has been by far the hardest thing since becoming a Christian. I remember sitting in a class at our church when I first heard them use the phrase 'let go and let God' and the idea was frightening to me. You mean I have to just let go of all the control I have on what's going on in my life, plug forward doing what I can and trust that God will take care of me? The same God that I have just recently started to develop any sort of a relationship with?
Last night I came home for work, my mind running a million and one ways. When I finally told my fiance why I was 'in a mood' it all just spilled out as I fought back tears of frustration... I told him that I was feeling overwhelmed, that there is too much on my plate. I talked about stresses at work, about trying to take care of various friends/family and help them with their situations... I talked about health issues that I have been facing, and I talked about finances, with the wedding, and Christmas gifts, and everything else going on.... He supported me, consoled me, and made sure I had a night at home to relax and not worry, a night to sleep early, let the migraine (stress induced I'm sure) subside and put my feet up.
It was while I was relaxing, home alone, thinking to myself that I realized, this is exactly the situation they talk about... the moments when we realize its time to 'let go and let God'. I mean really, lets look at my health for starters... as long as I'm doing what I can to eat healthy and stay active, attending my doctors appointements and taking medication where needed, what else can I honestly do to fix it? Nothing! I need to trust that God knows what is happening, and that he will help me get through this and solve whatever is going on.
Another one... finances... one that we all dread talking about! I am a big time budgetter... I track everything, spend only what I have to, save what I can. I have account information, the exact reason for each purchase, what catagory every transaction falls under... I track my savings account, my interest amounts coming in for what I have in the account.... I work extra hard, try to earn more commission....
But when it all comes down to it, and something falls apart (currently we're facing, for example, my laptop... the one that I need to be able to work on my internet based business, to plan our wedding, to access my budgetting site... has decided it will heat up to the point it is slowly frying its own parts... including the motherboard apparently), I need to have faith that God will help us through it, and provide those things that I need most.
My favourite bible verse, and always has been, reads:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV)
So if this is true, and something that I love and believe in, why can I not trust that whatever I am facing, God is working good through that and will take care of me at the end of the day?
So my challenge to all of you today is rather than stressing yourselves trying to control the day to day happenings, rather than trying to control your circumstances, your coworkers, your friends and family, your spouse... Let go and Let God...
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